Introduction
When it comes to managing anger, it is essential to understand the harm it can cause and take steps to prevent it from getting out of control. Sometimes, a person can become so angry that they lose all sense of understanding and say or do things they regret. Just as avoiding alcohol can prevent intoxication, avoiding anger can prevent its harmful consequences. But how can anger be controlled, and how can its bad results be avoided?
Let’s explore the guidance from the Quran and Sunnah.
1. Reflect On Its Consequences
Before expressing anger, a person should ask themselves, “What will happen if I show my anger here?” For example, if a merchant is faced with an angry customer, the merchant understands that showing anger will drive the customer away, potentially causing the loss of future business. This understanding helps him remain calm, as he knows that reacting angrily would lead to a greater loss. Similarly, in personal relationships, if a person expresses anger, they may risk damaging the relationship, leading to divorce, broken friendships, or family conflicts. One moment of anger could cause permanent harm, and the person should think about the consequences before acting.
Reflecting on these potential outcomes can make it easier to control anger. For instance, when driving, if a person sees a broken traffic light and notices police ahead, they will stop to avoid the consequences of disobeying traffic laws. Similarly, if a person pauses for just one minute before reacting in anger, they can think about the loss that might follow. Whether it’s a hurtful word, an argument, or a physical action, anger can cause lasting damage. Taking a moment to think can help a person avoid acting impulsively and prevent regret later.
The key is to control that first minute of anger. If a person can pause for a moment and think about the consequences, they are more likely to control their emotions for the rest of the situation. Anger often results from the ego, especially when someone doesn’t listen to what has been said. However, a true believer avoids letting their ego take over, understanding that showing anger will only create distance and harm. Instead, they strive to be patient and gentle, as the Quran and Sunnah teach us.
Allah says in the Glorious Quran
فَبِـمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللّٰهِ لِنْتَ لَھُمْ ۚ وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَظًّا غَلِيْظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانْفَضُّوْا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۠ فَاعْفُ عَنْھُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَھُمْ وَشَاوِرْھُمْ فِي الْاَمْرِ ۚ فَاِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَي اللّٰهِ ۭ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ يُـحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِيْنَ
“So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.”
(Qur’an 3:159)
This teaches that harshness and anger drive people away, while softness and patience draw people closer.
Moreover, anger is the “seed of regret,” as mentioned by Abu Hatim Ibn Hibban. Expressing anger often leads to remorse, as people usually regret their words and actions once the anger subsides. The key is to avoid expressing anger and causing harm in the first place, rather than dealing with the damage afterward. A person who controls their anger is stronger than one who vents it and later faces the consequences.
Therefore, the first step to controlling anger is to think about its results. Before acting in anger, take a moment to reflect on what will happen. Just one minute only. Will it lead to loss? Will it harm relationships? If the answer is yes, then it’s better to hold back and avoid the outburst. By focusing on the consequences and keeping the bigger picture in mind, a person can learn to control their anger, preserve their relationships, and avoid the regret that often follows.
2. Focus on the Reward for Controlling Anger
If you manage to suppress your anger, what will you gain from Allah? Forget about what people might think or do for you. Focus on what Allah will reward you with, and you’ll find controlling your anger becomes much easier. Here are some of the great rewards for suppressing anger.
a. Protection from Allah's Anger
When you control your anger, you protect yourself from Allah’s anger. That is why we find on multiple occasions when the companions asked for a advice, the Prophet ﷺ said to them,
لَا تَغْضَبْ
“Do not get angry.”
[Saheeh al Bukhari, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 6116]
This is because when a person gets angry and loses control, they may do something wrong, which can bring Allah’s anger upon them. By suppressing your anger, you avoid this risk and stay safe from Allah’s wrath.
b. Becoming Worthy of Allah's Love
When you suppress your anger, you become loved by Allah. What else could you want if Allah loves you? Allah loves those who control their anger for His sake. Many people seek the love and admiration of others, but we should always seek the love of Allah.
Allah the Almighty says:
الَّذِيْنَ يُنْفِقُوْنَ فِي السَّرَّاۗءِ وَالضَّرَّاۗءِ وَالْكٰظِمِيْنَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِيْنَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۭ وَاللّٰهُ يُـحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِيْنَ
“Those who ….. restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good (Al-Muhsinoon)”
(Qur’an 3:134)
Here Allah says that those who suppress their anger and forgive others are loved by Him. Allah loves those who do good and are kind and forgiving. So, by controlling your anger, you gain Allah’s love, which is the greatest reward.
c. Allah Conceals Your Faults
We all have flaws, and no one is perfect except the Prophets. Everyone makes mistakes, whether in speech, actions, or thoughts. But when you suppress your anger, Allah hides your faults.
Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,
مَنْ خَزَنَ لِسَانَهُ سَتَرَ اللَّهُ عَوْرَتَهُ وَمَنْ كَفَّ غَضَبَهُ كَفَّ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَذَابَهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَمَنِ اعْتَذَرَ إِلَى اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ قَبِلَ عُذْرَهُ
“Whoever restricts his tongue, Allah will cover his faults. Whoever restrains his anger, Allah will restrain his punishment on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever apologizes to Allah, Allah Almighty will accept his apology.”
(Shu’ab al-Imaan 7818)
When a person becomes angry, their true character may show, often leading to behaviors that are shameful. However, by controlling your anger, you protect your dignity and respect. This way, Allah shields your mistakes and allows you to maintain your honor.
d. Tranquility on the Day of Judgement
Another benefit of controlling your anger is that, on the Day of Judgement, Allah will fill the heart of those who suppress their anger with peace and satisfaction, while others will be anxious and worried.
The Prophet ﷺ said,
مَنْ كَظْمَ غَيْظًا وَهُوَ يُقَدِّرُ عَلَى إِنْفَاذِهِ مَلَأَهُ اللَّهُ أَمْنًا وَإِيمَانًا وقرأ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
“Whoever suppresses his rage although he is capable of unleashing it, then Allah will fill him with assurance and faith.” And the Prophet recited the verse,
“They are those who suppress their rage and forgive people, for Allah loves those who do good.” [Surah Aal-e-Imran, Ayah 134]
(Tafsir al-Tabari 3:134)
On that day, when everyone else will be concerned, but those who controlled their anger will be at ease, rewarded with tranquillity by Allah.
e. Reward on the Day of Judgement: A Special Honor
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,
مَنْ كَظَمَ غَيْظًا – وَهُوَ قَادِرٌ عَلَى أَنْ يُنْفِذَهُ – دَعَاهُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ عَلَى رُءُوسِ الْخَلاَئِقِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ حَتَّى يُخَيِّرَهُ اللَّهُ مِنَ الْحُورِ مَا شَاءَ
If anyone suppresses anger when he is in a position to give vent to it, Allah, the Exalted, will call him on the Day of Resurrection over the heads of all creatures, and ask him to choose any of the bright and large eyed maidens (hoor) he wishes.
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 4777)
Allah will call such anger suppressors in front of all of creation on the Day of Judgement and will offer them a special reward: the person will be allowed to choose a spouse from among the most beautiful companions of Paradise. This reward is a direct result of suppressing anger. How Amazing it is.
f. A Path to Paradise
Abu Darda رضي الله عنه once asked the Prophet ﷺ,
“O Messenger of Allah, tell me of an action that will take me to Paradise.” Prophet ﷺ replied,
لَا تَغْضَبْ وَلَكَ الْجَنَّةُ
“Do not get angry, and Paradise will be yours.”
(al-Mu’ajam al-Awsat lil-Tabaraani, Hadith 2353)
This shows that if a person fails to control their anger, they may end up doing things that lead them away from Paradise. However, by controlling their anger, they avoid actions that could take them to Hell, bringing them closer to Paradise.
The best way to control anger is to keep the reward in mind, both in this world and the Hereafter. Think to yourself, “If I suppress my anger, what will I gain from Allah?” When you focus on the reward, it becomes easier to control your anger.
For example, if someone scolds you, consider it a test. Instead of reacting angrily, remember that by suppressing your anger, you’re passing a test, and the reward from Allah will be great. As a student, if someone scolds you, you can say, “Okay, Sir, thank you.” Your focus isn’t on the scolding but on the reward you will receive for enduring the test. When you see controlling anger as a test, you realize that Allah will reward you for passing it. This perspective makes it easier to suppress anger and earn Allah’s reward.
In short, when your mind is focused on the reward that comes with controlling your anger, it becomes much easier to endure difficult situations and gain the great rewards that Allah promises to those who are patient and self-controlled.
3. When Anger Arises, Remember It is Shaytaan's Whisper
a. When Anger Arises, Remember It is Shaytaan's Whisper
Whenever you feel anger rising within you, remember that it is Shaytaan (Satan) trying to influence you.
Shaytaan wants to provoke you, to make you lose control and act in a way that goes against what is right. If you manage to suppress your anger, some people may call you “cowardly” or “scared.” However, this is far from the truth. Controlling your anger is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength and wisdom. The real strength lies in being able to control your emotions, not letting them control you.
b. Controlling Anger is Not Cowardice
If someone tells you, “You controlled your anger? You are weak,” know that they are mistaken. True bravery is not about acting out of anger. No one should let others dictate their emotions. Think of it like this: if someone tells you to “jump off a mountain without a parachute” and calls that bravery, would you listen? Of course not. Bravery is not blindly following reckless advice. A wise person would say, “If you are truly brave, jump first. Then, if your end is good, I will follow your example.” This illustrates that true bravery lies in wisdom.
c. True Wisdom in Controlling Emotions
Real wisdom is about controlling your emotions, especially in challenging situations. If wisdom guides bravery, it will help lead to success. But if bravery is not controlled by wisdom, it can lead to destruction. Think of a wild horse: without reins, it will run off a cliff.
But when the horse is controlled with reins, it stays on track and reaches its goal. Just like the reins guide the horse, wisdom should guide bravery.
d. The Example of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
The Prophets, especially Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, are our role models in controlling anger. He was known to maintain his calm and control when angry. His example teaches us that true victory is not in overpowering others, but in controlling our own anger.
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said,
لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
“The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.”
(Saheeh al-Bukhari, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 6114)
This teaches us that the true victory is in overcoming our own anger. It’s a moral victory that shows strength of character, much greater than any physical confrontation.
e. The Real Victory: Controlling Anger
There is a story of a wrestler who defeated his opponent in a physical match, but true victory is not always about defeating others. The real challenge comes when someone angers you, and you resist the urge to respond angrily. The person who controls their anger and doesn’t give in to the provocation is the one who wins. When you can suppress your anger, you are winning over yourself. At that moment, your real power lies in bearing the anger and keeping calm. This is not cowardice; it is wisdom and self-control.
f. The Strength of Controlling Anger
Anas رضي الله عنه reported that the Prophet ﷺ passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, “What is this?” They said: “So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Shall I not tell you who is even stronger than him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own Shaytaan and the Shaytaan of the one who made him angry.”
(Musnad al Bazzaar)
This statement shows that the person who controls their anger, who wins over their own Shaytaan and the Shaytaan of the person provoking them, is truly stronger. It is not easy to suppress anger, especially when someone has wronged you. But those who succeed in this are victorious over their own emotions and the negative forces around them. They are the ones who are truly powerful.
g. Victory Over Anger and Shaytaan
Controlling anger is not just about winning over your own emotions; it’s about winning over both your own Shaytaan and the Shaytaan of the person who provoked you. When you can do this, you achieve true strength. This victory over anger and Shaytaan is the greatest power a person can possess. This was narrated by Imam Bazzar, with a sound chain of narration, showing the importance of controlling one’s anger in maintaining peace and strength.
These are some of the key lessons we can take from controlling anger.
Conclusion
Managing anger isn’t just about avoiding trouble, it’s about growing as a person and earning Allah’s blessings. When we take a step back, hold ourselves from reacting, and remember the rewards Allah has promised, anger becomes an opportunity to practice patience and self-control. The Quran and Sunnah teach us that true strength isn’t in lashing out but in holding back for the sake of Allah. If we make an effort to follow this, we’ll not only protect our relationships and our dignity but also draw closer to Allah. And in the end, that’s what truly matters, gaining His love and securing a place in the Hereafter where no anger, pain, or regret will ever touch us.
In sha Allah. In the next part, we will discuss further aspects of this important topic.
