The Steps to Controlling Anger and Showing Kindness
To reach the higher level of treating others with kindness, you first must control your own anger. The first step is to stop yourself from reacting in anger. Don’t act or speak when you’re angry-take a moment to calm down. The second step is to forgive the person who caused the anger. Forgiveness is key to moving forward and allowing peace to take root. The third step is to treat the person with kindness, even when they have wronged you. Only after forgiving them can you show kindness and generosity toward them.
How to Control Anger?
1. Think about the results of Anger
For one or two minutes, a person should stop and think, “What will happen if I get angry at this moment?” If a person takes this moment to reflect, they can avoid many losses, both in their religious and worldly life.
For example, if an employer scolds an employee, the person might respond angrily, saying, “What will you do? You didn’t listen to me, so I won’t listen to you.” An employer will say, “Fine, go and listen to someone else.” But if the person doesn’t responds angrily and comes home, the employer might apologise later and say, “Sorry, I was wrong. Come back tomorrow. You will get promotion.”
Sometimes, a person reacts in anger and later tries to fix it, but it’s better to pause and think before acting or speaking out of anger. If a person thinks, “What will happen if I take this step or say what my heart is telling me? What will happen if I don’t do it?” they may avoid the harm of anger.
Shaykh Ibnul Qayyim رحيم الله a renowned scholar and student of Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah رحيم الله offers valuable advice on anger. In his book Al-Fawa’id, where he wrote down his wisdom, he says,
“Tie your anger with the chain of patience (forbearance).”
Anger, he explains, is like a dog; if you let it loose, it will cause harm. If a person keeps a dog for security, they do not let it loose in normal situations because it will attack anyone, even people who come with good intentions, such as those coming to repay a debt or invite for a wedding. The dog might even bite its own owner. Similarly, anger can harm anyone, including the person who lets it loose. So, the solution is to tie anger with the chain of patience. Patience (forbearance) is the key to controlling anger. If a person practices patience, they will avoid the destructive consequences of anger.
Ibn Hibban, in his book Rawdat al-Uqala (The Garden of the Wise), says:
“Anger is the seed of regret.”
Just like planting a seed that grows into a crop, anger leads to regret when expressed. The crop that grows from anger is regret. Therefore, it is better to control anger, even if it means enduring some pain or discomfort, than to express anger, which leads to more harm and regret later. Swallowing anger, though difficult, is less painful than the harm caused by letting it out. Reflecting on the consequences of anger helps a person choose patience and avoid
2. Reflect on the Virtue of Letting Anger Go
One of the key ways to control anger is by reflecting on the virtue of letting it go. A companion came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked, “O Messenger of Allah, tell me an action that will take me to Paradise.” Prophet ﷺ replied,
لَا تَغْضَبْ وَلَكَ الْجَنَّةُ
“Do not get angry, and Paradise will be yours.”
(al-Mu’ajam al-Awsat lil-Tabaraani, Hadith 2353)
This teaching highlights the reward of controlling anger and the ultimate benefit it brings. A person should keep this in mind—by controlling their anger, they are taking a step toward Paradise. Reflecting on this can make it easier for a person to endure and swallow their anger. This narration has been reported by At-Tabarani and is considered authentic.
3. Decide to Forgive
When anger arises, a person often experiences doubts about how to handle it, especially when someone is doing something wrong. Anger tends to arise when someone behaves wrongly, and the person has two options: to express their anger or to forgive. If the intention to forgive comes to mind, it is important to note that, sometimes, this decision may not be permanent. In some cases, the person may forgive but the wrongdoer may repeat their actions, which can lead to more harm. However, there are two types of people: the noble and the wicked. The noble person becomes better by forgiving, while the wicked may become more wicked, believing that forgiving will lead to repeated wrongdoings. A wise person will be able to understand the situation and make the right decision.
When anger arises, the devil whispers, encouraging the person to express their anger.
However, when a person swallows their anger, the devil tells them they are cowardly, making them feel weak. This creates pressure to express anger to prove their bravery. But after the tension subsides, the person may feel weak again. It is important for a person to remind themselves that swallowing their anger is not cowardice. If it were, then Allah would not praise it in the Qur’an, because cowardice is not something encouraged in Islam. The Prophet ﷺ demonstrated this through his noble character. Despite facing insults, abuse, and even physical harm, such as dirt thrown at him or a camel’s intestines placed on his back while in prostration, the Prophet endured and did not express anger. Swallowing anger, therefore, is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength and self-control.
True power lies in the ability to control oneself. If a person cannot control their own anger, they cannot effectively control others. The greatest harm often comes from our own reactions. We may blame others, but we are the ones who often harm ourselves by failing to control our emotions. A person who cannot manage their anger risks being manipulated by others. If people know what triggers someone’s anger, they can easily control them.
Therefore, it is essential to keep anger in check. A person who controls their anger shows true strength, while someone who loses control loses their dignity.
A king, even if insulted, should not leave his throne to fight with others. If he does, he loses his status and power. True power is demonstrated by staying calm and composed. If someone controls their anger, others will recognize that they cannot be manipulated. The Prophet ﷺ emphasized this in a Hadith reported by Bukhari and Muslim, where he said that a true wrestler is not someone who defeats others physically, but the one who controls themselves in moments of anger. True strength lies in self-control, whether during fasting or when faced with anger.
Remember, your anger should serve you, not control you. It is your vehicle, and you must ride on it, not the other way around. This is the essence of true power.
When anger arises, the devil whispers, encouraging the person to express their anger.
However, when a person swallows their anger, the devil tells them they are cowardly, making them feel weak. This creates pressure to express anger to prove their bravery. But after the tension subsides, the person may feel weak again. It is important for a person to remind themselves that swallowing their anger is not cowardice. If it were, then Allah would not praise it in the Qur’an, because cowardice is not something encouraged in Islam. The Prophet ﷺ demonstrated this through his noble character. Despite facing insults, abuse, and even physical harm, such as dirt thrown at him or a camel’s intestines placed on his back while in prostration, the Prophet endured and did not express anger. Swallowing anger, therefore, is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength and self-control.
True power lies in the ability to control oneself. If a person cannot control their own anger, they cannot effectively control others. The greatest harm often comes from our own reactions. We may blame others, but we are the ones who often harm ourselves by failing to control our emotions. A person who cannot manage their anger risks being manipulated by others. If people know what triggers someone’s anger, they can easily control them.
Therefore, it is essential to keep anger in check. A person who controls their anger shows true strength, while someone who loses control loses their dignity.
A king, even if insulted, should not leave his throne to fight with others. If he does, he loses his status and power. True power is demonstrated by staying calm and composed. If someone controls their anger, others will recognize that they cannot be manipulated. The Prophet ﷺ emphasized this in a Hadith reported by Bukhari and Muslim, where he said that a true wrestler is not someone who defeats others physically, but the one who controls themselves in moments of anger. True strength lies in self-control, whether during fasting or when faced with anger.
Remember, your anger should serve you, not control you. It is your vehicle, and you must ride on it, not the other way around. This is the essence of true power.
لَا تَغْضَبْ وَلَكَ الْجَنَّةُ
“Do not get angry, and Paradise will be yours.”
(al-Mu’ajam al-Awsat lil-Tabaraani, Hadith 2353)
This teaching highlights the reward of controlling anger and the ultimate benefit it brings. A person should keep this in mind—by controlling their anger, they are taking a step toward Paradise. Reflecting on this can make it easier for a person to endure and swallow their anger. This narration has been reported by At-Tabarani and is considered authentic.
4. Ignore
Another way to avoid the harm of anger is by controlling it through ignoring. Many issues can be resolved simply by ignoring them. For example, if someone calls you a bad name while you’re walking down the street, just let it be. If you are going to pray and someone insults your devotion, you don’t need to respond. Often, people may say things to provoke you, but responding only drags you into further unnecessary conflict. Instead of engaging, just walk away and let their words go unacknowledged.
When you ignore insults, you avoid lowering yourself to the level of the person provoking you. By engaging in a back-and-forth, you only give them more power and increase your frustration. If you ignore them, they end up insulting themselves, as their words have no impact. For instance, if someone tries to provoke you, and you don’t respond, they will eventually stop because their attempts are futile.
In the case of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ when he faced mockery and insults from people like Abu Jahl and Abu Lahab, he did not engage with them. He continued his work, and they were the ones who lost.
The Prophet’s ﷺ message was clear: ignore those who try to distract you from your mission.
Allah says:
وَاِذَا سَمِعُوا اللَّغْوَ اَعْرَضُوْا عَنْهُ وَقَالُوْا لَنَآ اَعْـمَالُنَا وَلَكُمْ اَعْـمَالُكُمْ ۡ سَلٰمٌ عَلَيْكُمْ ۡ لَا نَبْتَغِي الْجٰهِلِيْنَ
“And when they hear vain talk, they turn away from it and say, ‘For us are our deeds, and for you are your deeds. Peace be upon you; we do not seek the company of the ignorant.”
(Qur’an 28:55)
Similarly, Allah instructed the Prophet ﷺ to deliver the message without being distracted by the mocking of others. He was told to ignore those who treated him with disrespect, trusting that Allah would handle them. This lesson is important not only for religious work but also for everyday life, where ignoring insults helps maintain your honor. Thus, ignoring is a powerful solution. It keeps your dignity intact, prevents unnecessary conflict, and allows you to focus on what truly matters.
5. Remain Silent
Anger often arises in domestic matters and other situations, and when it does, the first thing that happens is a loss of control over one’s tongue. In moments of anger, people say things that they should not, often regretting them later. For example, a husband might say to his wife, “I did this, I did that,” or “I wasn’t going to do this,” while the wife might respond by insulting him, saying things like, “You are heavy, my parents tied you around my neck, and I’ve never seen any good in you.” Sometimes, in anger, people make extreme statements, such as threatening divorce or saying hurtful things to their children, only to realize later that these words didn’t reflect their true feelings.
In friendships, when anger escalates, it can lead to harsh words like, “You are the worst person in the world!” Afterward, the person may wonder if they really felt that way. But in the heat of the moment, anger causes a person to say the most hurtful things. Later, they might regret it and try to reconcile, but the damage has already been done. The harsh words often spread to others, damaging reputations and relationships.
The key to controlling anger is to first control the tongue. When the tongue is allowed to speak in anger, the situation can escalate to physical fights, legal issues, and other complications. It often begins with jokes, then escalates to insults, followed by physical confrontation, and eventually leads to serious consequences like involvement of the law enforcement agencies.
To prevent this, the first thing to do when anger arises is to stay silent. The Prophet ﷺ said,
وَإِذَا غَضِبَ أَحَدُكُمْ فَلْيَسْكُتْ
“When one of you is angry, he should remain silent.”
(Musnad Aḥmad, Hadith 2137)
This Hadith, emphasizes the importance of silence in preventing further harm. Silence can save relationships, marriages, and peace of mind. The wisdom in this approach is reflected in the saying: “What do they say when an ignorant and foolish person speaks nonsense? Do not respond to him. A better answer to his response is silence.”
Silence itself can be the most powerful response. When faced with insults or anger, the best approach is to remain silent and avoid escalating the situation. This simple act of silence can prevent many problems and is a solution to avoid the destructive effects of anger.
6. Change the State
Another effective way to control anger is by changing your physical state. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
إِذَا غَضِبَ أَحَدُكُمْ وَهُوَ قَائِمٌ فَلْيَجْلِسْ فَإِنْ ذَهَبَ عَنْهُ الْغَضَبُ وَإِلاَّ فَلْيَضْطَجِعْ
“When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.”
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 4782)
This is a simple yet powerful method that can help in controlling anger. Standing while angry often leads to physical confrontation. However, when a person sits, the situation becomes less likely to escalate, and the chance of fighting decreases. If the anger still doesn’t subside, lying down further reduces the possibility of taking any action.
This advice is not only spiritual but also practical. Doctors might suggest similar methods in the future, but the wisdom of the Prophet ﷺ is timeless. When people stand during a quarrel, tensions rise. A sitting person is much less likely to engage in a physical altercation, and if they are still angry, they are less likely to act on it compared to someone who is standing. Lying down further controls the anger by physically making it difficult to engage in a fight.
This principle can be observed in everyday situations. When a disagreement arises in a group, people often stand up, which escalates the conflict. However, if everyone sits down, the situation can calm down, and a compromise can be reached. The Hadith highlights that changing your physical state can prevent quarrels and fights.
As the companion Yazid Ibn Habib said, “My anger is in my shoes.” Whenever something upsets him, he picks up his shoes and leaves, preventing further escalation. This shows that sometimes simply removing yourself from the situation can stop anger from taking control.
By stepping away, whether by sitting or leaving the area, the situation can be defused, allowing time for emotions to settle and for a calmer conversation to take place. Changing your place or position when angry is a simple yet powerful solution to avoid harming relationships and to manage anger effectively.
7. Seek Refuge in Allah
We have been taught by our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to say “A’oodhu billah min ash Shaytaanir Rajeem” when someone amongst us becomes angry.
What does A’oodhu billah mean? It translates to “I seek refuge in Allah.” This phrase doesn’t just mean asking Allah for protection from bad things or Shaytaan; it’s a simple declaration of seeking Allah’s refuge in that moment of anger.
The Prophet ﷺ taught that saying A’oodhu billah cools down anger. Why is this important? Because anger is often fueled by Shaytaan, who seeks to escalate conflicts and provoke further aggression. By seeking refuge in Allah, a person protects themselves from the influence of Shaytaan, which can help calm their anger.
Sulaymaan ibn Sard relates an incident in which two people were quarreling in the presence of the Prophet ﷺ. One of them became increasingly angry, his face turning red. The Prophet ﷺ said
إِنِّي لَأَعْلَمُ كَلِمَةً لَوْ قَالَهَا لَذَهَبَ هَذَا عَنْهُ: أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ،
I know some words that, if he says them, will remove this from him. They are: ‘A oodhu billah min ash-shaytaan ir-rajim’ (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan)
(Saheeh al Muslim, Kitaab al Birr was Silaah wal Aadaab, Hadith 2610)
It is clear from this Hadith that saying A’oodhu billah min ash-shaytaan ir-rajim during moments of anger can make a person’s anger dissipate. It is a practice mentioned in the Qur’an as well, reinforcing its importance and effectiveness in managing anger.
8. Thinking About Allah's Forgiveness
Sometimes, anger arises over matters that seem justified. For example, if someone bumps into your car and insults you to cover their mistake, or if you’ve advised someone not to do something harmful and they ignore you, it’s natural to feel angry. In such situations, a person may feel justified in their anger because the reason for it seems valid. However, even when anger feels justified, the actions that follow might not always be appropriate.
In these moments, it’s important to remember the example of Allah’s mercy. Allah is all-powerful, yet He allows His servants to make mistakes and continues to forgive them.
Despite His power to punish, Allah often lets wrongdoings go. When we are faced with someone’s mistake—whether it’s our subordinate, spouse, child, or anyone else—it’s a chance to reflect on how Allah forgives. We too can choose to forgive, even when we have the power to punish.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
مَا أَحَدٌ أَصْبَرُ عَلَى أَذًى سَمِعَهُ مِنَ اللَّهِ، يَدَّعُونَ لَهُ الْوَلَدَ، ثُمَّ يُعَافِيهِمْ وَيَرْزُقُهُمْ
“None is more patient than Allah against the harmful and annoying words He hears (from the people): They ascribe children to Him, yet He bestows upon them health and provision”
(Saheeh al Bukhari, Kitaab at Tawheed, Hadith 7378)
People insult Allah by associating partners with Him, denying His existence, or making other claims, yet Allah continues to provide for them without immediate punishment. Allah’s patience and forgiveness are limitless, and He sustains those who speak ill of Him.
If Allah, despite all the wrongdoings of His servants, still gives them sustenance and forgiveness, we too should consider forgiving others, even when they wrong us. Reflecting on this helps us control our anger and be more forgiving. If Allah, in His greatness, forgives, shouldn’t we also forgive? By thinking in this way, controlling anger and choosing to forgive becomes easier.
This concept is reinforced in Ahadith narrated by Bukhari and Muslim, emphasizing the importance of forgiveness, just as Allah forgives His creation.
9. Looking at your own shortcomings
When someone under your care or authority-whether it’s a servant, employee, child, or spouse-makes a mistake, it’s natural to feel anger. You may think that they’ve wronged you in some way, failed to listen to instructions, or caused harm. But when faced with this anger, it’s important to reflect on your own shortcomings as well. How many times have you made mistakes, big or small? Are you perfect in following Allah’s commands? Are you free from mistakes? The answer, of course, is no.
When you demand correction for others’ mistakes, remember that you too have made mistakes and are in need of forgiveness. Just as you would want Allah to forgive you for your errors, you should offer that same forgiveness to those who may have wronged you. Allah is Al-Ghafoor (the Most Forgiving) and Al-Raheem (the Most Merciful), and He forgives you for both intentional and unintentional mistakes. So, why should you not forgive others when they make mistakes, especially those who are under your care or authority?
When you feel angry and think someone deserves punishment, ask yourself: Do you really want punishment for your own mistakes? Or do you want Allah’s forgiveness? The purpose of punishment is to correct, not to oppress or seek revenge. So, if you want forgiveness for your own faults, you should extend that same mercy to others.
The example of Abu Sa’id (a Tabi’i / follower of the companions) teaches us this lesson. When he would become very angry with his servant, he would say,
“You are like your master. You disobey me, just as I disobey my Master, Allah. When I get angry, I think of my own disobedience to Allah, and so I forgive you. For the sake of Allah, I set you free.”
This action of setting his servant free in the face of anger was a way to avoid the anger turning into something harmful, and it reflected his recognition of his own shortcomings in relation to Allah.
So, the next time you feel anger towards someone under your authority, remind yourself:Just as they may disobey me, I also disobey Allah. This recognition can help you find compassion and choose to forgive. Reflecting on this will not only improve your relationship with others but also bring you closer to Allah’s mercy. Some scholars have even noted that when we see disobedience or mistakes in others, it could be a consequence of our own disobedience to Allah. This should encourage us to strive for greater obedience and, in turn, see better conduct in those around us.
When you demand correction for others’ mistakes, remember that you too have made mistakes and are in need of forgiveness. Just as you would want Allah to forgive you for your errors, you should offer that same forgiveness to those who may have wronged you. Allah is Al-Ghafoor (the Most Forgiving) and Al-Raheem (the Most Merciful), and He forgives you for both intentional and unintentional mistakes. So, why should you not forgive others when they make mistakes, especially those who are under your care or authority?
When you feel angry and think someone deserves punishment, ask yourself: Do you really want punishment for your own mistakes? Or do you want Allah’s forgiveness? The purpose of punishment is to correct, not to oppress or seek revenge. So, if you want forgiveness for your own faults, you should extend that same mercy to others.
The example of Abu Sa’id (a Tabi’i / follower of the companions) teaches us this lesson. When he would become very angry with his servant, he would say,
“You are like your master. You disobey me, just as I disobey my Master, Allah. When I get angry, I think of my own disobedience to Allah, and so I forgive you. For the sake of Allah, I set you free.”
This action of setting his servant free in the face of anger was a way to avoid the anger turning into something harmful, and it reflected his recognition of his own shortcomings in relation to Allah.
So, the next time you feel anger towards someone under your authority, remind yourself:Just as they may disobey me, I also disobey Allah. This recognition can help you find compassion and choose to forgive. Reflecting on this will not only improve your relationship with others but also bring you closer to Allah’s mercy. Some scholars have even noted that when we see disobedience or mistakes in others, it could be a consequence of our own disobedience to Allah. This should encourage us to strive for greater obedience and, in turn, see better conduct in those around us.
10. Avoid Arguments, Debates, And Joking Around
The next thing to remember when dealing with anger is to avoid engaging in arguments, debates, or even excessive joking. These activities, though seemingly harmless at first, can easily escalate and lead to anger, which, in turn, can lead to more serious conflicts, including physical fights.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
أَنَا زَعِيمٌ بِبَيْتٍ فِي رَبَضِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْمِرَاءَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مُحِقًّا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي وَسَطِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْكَذِبَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مَازِحًا وَبِبَيْتٍ فِي أَعْلَى الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ حَسَّنَ خُلُقَهُ
“I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good.”
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 4800)
This Hadith emphasizes the importance of walking away from an argument, even when you are in the right. The point here is that it’s not about giving up your position or compromising on important matters, but rather choosing not to engage in a futile argument that only fuels anger and conflict.
Many times, arguments start over trivial matters-personal disagreements or misunderstandings about something material. You may be in the right, but the argument goes on and on, with neither side willing to back down. In such cases, the best course of action is to simply let go of the argument, as continuing it only prolongs the tension. When you walk away from such disputes, you are not only saving yourself from anger but also earning the promise of a special place in Paradise.
This principle also applies to debates and joking that may cause hurt or escalate into arguments. Engaging in debates for the sake of proving oneself right, or making jokes at others’ expense, can stir anger and lead to unhealthy interactions. When you realize the conversation is going nowhere or is getting heated, it’s best to disengage and remain calm.
By avoiding these sources of anger-whether they come from arguments, debates, or mockery-you prevent the escalation of tension and protect yourself from falling into anger.
Instead of trying to win every argument, the focus should be on maintaining peace and controlling your emotions, which ultimately leads to more harmonious relationships and spiritual benefits.
11. Pray to Allah to overcome anger
A person should pray to Allah when feeling anger, so that they do not go beyond the limits set by Shari ah. There is a longer prayer for this, but I will mention just part of it due to time.
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ used to pray to Allah with these words:
اللهم إني أسالك خشيتك في الغيب والشهادة
“O Allah, cause me to fear You in secret and in public..”
This means: “O Allah, I ask You to help me live my life with the fear of You, whether I am in public or in private.”
The prayer also includes asking for justice and for the ability to speak the truth, whether in anger or happiness. Even in times of anger or joy, a person should speak what is right and just. The full prayer continues:
وَأَسْأُلُكَ كَلِمَة الْحَقِّ فِي الرِّضَا وَالْعَصَبِ
“And I ask You to make me true in speech in times of pleasure and of anger.”
A person should make this prayer, asking Allah to protect them from wrong actions in moments of anger and to save them from the harms that arise from it.
(Sunan an-Nasa’i, Kitaab as Sahw, Hadith 1305)
Summary
When a person feels angry, they should try to control it. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said that if someone controls their anger, even when they have the power to retaliate, Allah will call them on the Day of Judgement and offer them the choice of any beautiful Houris (spouse of Paradise).
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 4777)
In the Qur’an, Allah describes the righteous as those who “swallow their anger” and forgive others, and do good to them. So, when anger arises due to someone else’s mistake (e.g., a child, spouse, or subordinate), a person should reflect on their own faults. If Allah were to be angry at them for their sins, they would hope for His forgiveness. Likewise, they should forgive others for their mistakes, as forgiveness is a key trait of the faithful.
Steps to Control Anger:
When a person feels angry, they should try to control it. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said that if someone controls their anger, even when they have the power to retaliate, Allah will call them on the Day of Judgement and offer them the choice of any beautiful Houris (spouse of Paradise).
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Kitaab al Adab, Hadith 4777)
In the Qur’an, Allah describes the righteous as those who “swallow their anger” and forgive others, and do good to them. So, when anger arises due to someone else’s mistake (e.g., a child, spouse, or subordinate), a person should reflect on their own faults. If Allah were to be angry at them for their sins, they would hope for His forgiveness. Likewise, they should forgive others for their mistakes, as forgiveness is a key trait of the faithful.
- See Refuge in Allah from Shaytaan: When angry, say “A’oodhu billah min ash Shaytaanir Rajeem” (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed devil). This is a Sunnah taught by the Prophet and mentioned in the Quran.
- Physical Action: If you are standing, sit down; if sitting, lie down. Drinking water may also help to calm yourself.
- Shift Focus: Try to smile, change your tone, or walk away from the situation.
- Practice Regularly: Just like you train muscles by lifting weights, practice controlling your anger daily. When you get slightly angry, immediately adjust your attitude: smile, say something positive, or walk away.
- Pray for Help: Ask Allah for strength to control your anger. Keep praying for His help in extinguishing your anger.
With consistent effort, you will be able to calm down more easily, and over time, anger will not control you.
Anger can be triggered by many situations in life, such as receiving food late at a restaurant, someone ruining your homework, or a friend behaving insultingly. These situations will inevitably occur because Allah tests us to see how we react.
Allah mentions in the Qur’an that simply claiming to be a believer is not enough. We will be tested to prove our faith. Just saying “I am a Muslim” is not enough unless we are tested. Allah will test us to see if we truly trust in Him, especially when we face difficult situations. The true test is not in our words, but in our actions when we face challenges.
To conclude with one last hadith that is really important for life:
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said,
مَنْ يَضْمَنْ لِي مَا بَيْنَ لَحْيَيْهِ وَمَا بَيْنَ رِجْلَيْهِ أَضْمَنْ لَهُ الْجَنَّةَ “.
“Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him.”
(Saheeh al-Bukhari, Kitaab ar Riqaaq, Hadith 6474)
